Okay, what are YOUR tips for going from one child to two? We are seeking wisdom from all the wonderful parents who read our site! Many of you in the chat room have probably heard our exciting news already, but for those who haven’t, we are expecting our second baby in late November! Time is flying by, and November will be here before we know it! We have been told it is another boy, so assuming the ultrasound was correct, we will have two boys, almost 2.5 years apart. I know that this will be an adjustment for us, so I would like to hear all the tips and words of wisdom from those of you who have already gone through this. I know lots of our readers have two, three, six, or even more kiddos! So what advice can you give us for going from one child to two?
How do you help the older child with the transition? How do you deal with the transition as a parent? Please leave us LOTS of comments or send us lots of emails (eadflmomma AT gmail DOT com) with your experience and wisdom. We need all the help we can get right now, lol! No tip is too big or too small!
The SoCal Mom says
Engineer & MSM…
My first two were 2.5 yrs apart, both boys and I look back after 6 and honestly can't believe how easy life was. 🙂
Two boys will be really easy. I suggest enjoying the time with the both and not go on to a 3rd for a while.
That is my advice…hehe
Are we having a virtual baby shower?
I wanna send you something!
Pinching Abe says
Well, here's my advice 🙂
Since all the aunties, uncles, cousins, grannies and grandpops will be focused on the NEW baby, you should make sure that you put a lot of focus on your older son. What we did was the day after our 2nd child was born, my hubby took our older child to TRU to buy an extra special gift – this one was from the new baby to her. This meant that the new baby didn't get all the presents 😉 Also, look for the "I'm the big brother" t-shirts and get it in a couple of sizes so you don't kick yourself later when the kids grow.
As for your own worries, you can handle two kids. Really. I cried and cried (baby blues) and wondered how I could ever care for two children. A nice, long, hot shower later and I felt ready to take on two demanding kids.
Each day when your hubby comes home, at least for a while, he should make a point of greeting your older child first instead of running over to nibble on the cute little piggies of your new son. Your older son doesn't want to feel replaced, so make a point of keeping him in the love loop 🙂
Toddlers/preschoolers love to help. Even if it is just the official job of handing you a diaper. Make sure you let him know that he's a big boy and how proud you are of him. He'll still want to be your baby, of course.
Also, one other thing, if when you are going through the packed away clothes and blankies your older son sees his favorite blankie and recognizes it, let him have it. There's no reason he can't have something of his own that he knows used to be his.
Good luck and congrats!
Melissa says
Congratulations! How exciting! My 2 boys are 2.5 years apart, too. They have loved each other from the first time they saw each other and still play so well. It was a transition going to 2, but now I can't imagine only having 1. Our oldest loved to help, and I always tried to give him something special to do to help with the baby. He still loves to help his brother- I wish you the best and am excited for you as you welcome a new blessing into your home!
supplymt20 says
We started by telling our son he was going to one day have a new baby to help mom and dad take care of. We said the new baby would be growing in mom's tummy (totally your choice how you want to explain that!) and one day mom would go to the hospital and come home with the baby. I let my son help make the room, we talked about the baby and how much he'd get to do for me and how much fun being a big brother was.
Honestly, you will not be 100% prepared as a mother or child for the new baby. All you can do is make it about both children until the new one comes so the oldest doesn't feel like he's being left out when the time does get here. Spend time with the older child when you can, but don't over do it so he doesn't miss the attention when he isn't the only one.
Be sure dad gets involved too. Let dad do activities with the older one so he's prepared when the baby comes and mom needs rest.
Read books about new babies and being a big brother.
Enjoy the time you have before you have two children. You don't realize how easy it is until there are two.
Congrats and best of luck!
Julie says
First of all, congratulations!
My boys are 3 1/2 years apart and although I'm still learning (baby is only 3 months old), I will say it hasn't been as bad as I expected it to be. I imagined the worst and I think that helped because my worst fears have not come true.
Make time to go on mommy or daddy dates with your oldest so the he still feels special. If grandparents are nearby, have them take the older one too for awhile. We were lucky that my in laws took our oldest for a few days once we came home. It gave the oldest special time with his grandparents and it gave us some great one on one time with the new baby at home.
Honestly, now that I have two, I wonder why it was so hard with just one. I think a lot of that has to do with the temperament of your children though. Several moms told me if I could survive the first 4 months, it will get easier. I haven't reached that point yet, but it gives me hope on the crazy days.
AshleyJ says
Congratulations!
Our two were about 3 years apart. We did a lot of the things that the others have already mentioned but here is one extra tidbit.
We made sure that our oldest went to bed at least 15 minutes after the baby. We designated that time her special Mommy and Daddy time. She gets to pick what we do – a game, books, art, a special show, etc. Then we really take the extra time putting her to bed.
Even with all that we did, we noticed her change a little bit – wanting more attention – making sure that the baby didn't get more than she did. We would have her give the baby attention or give her some big sister job during these times.
It will be wonderful!!
Georgia says
I had my first two boys 2 years apart and there was 1 1/2 between my middle boy and the third boy. LOL….so I had 3 boys 3 and under. It was a challenge to say the least. One thing I recommend is starting now, let people know that you want 24 hours alone with your children once you come home. Give the new baby time to adjust to the sounds and give your older son time to adjust to a new baby in the house. Plus, it gives you time to adjust to being at home with 2 small ones.
Make sure you make time for your older one that is "just his time" so that he knows the baby does not make MOM and DAD not want him around anymore.
Second….. to prevent the newborn from looking so "scrunched up and uncomfortable" in the carseat. I always folded up a receiving blanket pretty small and sat it in the bottom of the carseat so that the baby's bottom in on it. It helps them to fit better, since they are so tiny, and it just makes them look more comfortable.
SavvySuzie says
Congrats! We just welcomed baby #2 and our oldest is 2.5 so I'm going through this all right now! (I'll be devouring the comments on this post!)
Our oldest has been a little tough with the transition – loves his little brother but was mad at us. We talked up his role as big brother a lot before the baby came, and always called the baby "our baby". Lately we've found that making "special" time for him helps – the other day hubby watched our youngest and my toddler came with me to do food shopping, we went to the donut shop for special breakfast and had nice alone time. Asking him to help out (get diapers, keep the baby company in the swing, etc) has helped too – and keeps him occupied!
Oh – and MAKE SURE you take time for your own head too – I had to get over the feeling I was overburdening people who offered babysitting because I had more than one kid – but if you get offers TAKE THEM! I have moments when I feel really pulled in several directions, and having an afternoon/hour/etc with extra help or to myself does WONDERS!
Good luck!